Paradigm Blow Up
I feel like an idiot. I'm not being pessimistic, though it may seem so. Just trying to digest. I just realized that things are never going to be perfect. They can't ever be. I have always thought that if this one area, or this one thing can change or be healed, that things will be right. BUT, because of our sin nature, because we were born into imperfection, we will always struggle. There will always be something to improve upon, something will always hurt, someone will always sin against me and I will always have sinned against someone in some way or another because as hard as I try, or as desperately as Jesus wants me to be like Him, I am not. I may get closer and closer...I may discover what works better, He may come in and heal those old wounds, but there will always be something that keeps us coming back to Him for more of that healing or teaching. I HATE THAT. I really really do (not the coming back to Him part...). I feel like I'm grieving, my whole outlook on life has changed. It's GOOD that we can always go to Him...but it's hard to swallow that life won't ever be easy. And people who make it seem so are frauds. This is probably so old hat to most folks, but the lightbulb just went on in my head....I have had glimpses of perfection or moments of peace and rest...but until we see Him clearly - Face to face - we will be imperfect. I was raised to be a perfectionist.
posted by KariBryant @ 4:32 PM
2 Comments:
At 10:43 AM,
Anonymous said…
You need a hug, sister!
At 4:30 PM,
Anonymous said…
I know a friend, and she was involved in a relationship with a boy and he would always call her all the time. ANd one day she truned to me and told me (she knew she wasn't supposed to be in this relationship) that she felt like he was always going to be there and because of that she was bound to fall. No matter how many times she said no, she felt like he would keep asking. There was something intensely wrong with that. She was seeing the truth that was stronger. IT's easier to concentrate on a part of reality but the thing is it's not the truth even if it's a fact. Truth is the underlying trueness about it. Not the facts you can see. And the Truth is that "the gates of Hades will not prevail against my church." the Truth is that the Bible talks about the fruit of the Spirit,the fruit of having true LIFE, and those things are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, self-control, gentleness, long suffering. You will have joy. You will have peace. Any bad that can be given, there is a greater good. There is a reason the BIble says to concentrate on whatever is good, on whatever is worthy, on whatever is lovely. It is because the Good is stronger than the bad. This is a fundamental truth. Jesus is bigger than the sin that flawed us, God is stronger than evil, He will never compromise, HE will not waver. He is a constant. And He is Good. LOVE rules the universe!! Yeah, their is desparity and awful things happening, but even though I don't understand it completely, God is working and He is a God of love and justice and yet kind so in all that HE is doing what is loving and what is best and ect. The devil wants you to concentrate on what is awful because that's the only way he can get you to give in to the darkness, because you feel it's stronger... AND IT's NOT. Amen!! And something else.
I remember when all my guy friends kept warning me about the dangers of the world and going out alone and how anyone could be on the streets. And they did it in care, but they were worried, and at first I was just like okay, but I hope it doesn't happen. Then-- I started getting a little paranoid. I would go outside (my OWN driveway) in the night to get something from my car. There are street lights, I had looked outside the window, there was an outside light on, people were right near the door, the car is ten feet away, and I was thinking, "anything could happen" There could've been a guy who hid behind the house (so I would listen attentively), there could have been a person under my car with a knife waiting to slash (as I've heard about has happened at malls), there could have been a dog with rabies that jumped out of the bushes and I can't get inside fast enough (sounds crazy, I always have gotten creeped out by rabies) but anyway all these things are running through my head. My heart is jumping, my mind is racing, Im trying to look everywhere (I look nuts!!), Im trying to think of what I would do. I was basically living in fear, and paranoia. And then I start thinking, Would this worry even help me if it did happen? Then I think about the people who get in accidents when they are drunk and get less hurt than people who get in accidents when they are sober just because they are so tense that it injurs them more. I know tthat I would be less likely to react well, that I would be tense and scared and terrified. ANd that's not how I wanna go out. And another thing is I was thinking, Would I change anything by being worried? NO. And the bible said that worry doesn't add one single hour to your life. And then I was thinking about that scripture, that says, I do not live by a spirit of fear, but one of power, of might, and a SOUND MIND. And I knew this wasn't from God, and I knew I had concentrated on the bad so much that I wasn't seeing the Good. And that's not the truth. Nor is it reality, because reality is really what makes up the whole truth, and if it's only part of it we're living in ignorance thinking it's reality. And so that fear wasn't from God. And you can't live your life in fear. God said you will never go through anything that you cannot handle! And that means that any situation you do come across, you are strong enough for!! Praise God! And you have what it takes to get through, no matter what you're getting through too. And you not only have the power to make it to the other side, but you have the power to do it with love, joy, and peace, with patience, with character and hope and life. You're really living. And those guys on the Titanic. They sang as they went down, and you know what, even though that's sad and tragic, they experienced life to the end and you know don't feel bad for them if they're a Christian, because they have something better anyway! And you better believe that! JESUS said to! And I stake my life on that! And many have before me!! And so do you. Your life and your death. And so my point to you is this... This kick me when Im down attitude is nothing but trouble. And God doesn't want you to live depressed and out of touch with reality. He wants you to do what you can with what you have now. And that's a blessing. He didn't tell you HE's gonna take it away from you!! And if HE does you don't have to worry about it, and if HE does it means you're strong enough, and if HE does, it means you're worthy to do so, and if He does it means that you'll know His love more than anything else, and what could compare with Knowing Him? Especially since He is Real(sounds simple and Im unworthy, but He shows me that, even through my doubt) and His promises are true, and HE does NOT break those promises. Love is unfailing.
Psalm 42:5
Why are you in despair, O my soul? And {why} have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him {For} the help of His presence.
I cast out fear in the name of Jesus, and I ask redeeming Love to come in and change her.
I pray you find refuge in Him.
Faith is the victory. Faith is how much you see of the Truth. Faith is more factual than what you can see.
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