This Christmas was pretty rough...it was good, but the Lord allowed me to see a lot of the yucky stuff that is still hiding in the dark recesses of my heart and in the hearts of those I love. Most obvious were the wounds we hold onto like life preservers, thinking that if we allow someone to see them or know us in that place, we would surely die...unfortunately we hide these things also from the only One who can really heal us, our Father Physician.

As I prayed through the rough times, the Lord impressed upon me over and over Hosea 6:6
"For I delight in mercy, dutiful, steadfast love and goodness, not sacrifice, and the knowledge of God and acquaintance with Him more than burnt offerings." Amplified

I saw it all around me and in me: We somehow misunderstand that the call of our lives is to be sacrificing things that God doesn't even care about...we give up this and that, we live in a constant tone of sacrifice, poor perpetual grief, as though we are truly giving God what He wants when we haven't even bothered to ask Him what He wants.

So surrounded by stuff, busyness, and tension, I couldn't grasp the fullness of what the Lord was showing me. After I got home, and was able to spend some time asking Him what was on His heart, He kept pointing me to Isaiah 1.

v3-6 "The ox knows his owner, and the donkey his master's crib, but Israel does not know or recognize Me as Lord, My people do not consider or understand. Ah, sinful nation, a people loaded with iniquity, offspring of evildoers, sons who deal corruptly! They have forsaken the Lord, they have despised and shown contempt and provoked the Holy One of Israel to anger; they have become utterly estranged and alienated. Why should you be stricken and punished any more since it brings no correction? You will revolt even more and more. The whole head is sick, and the whole heart is faint, feeble, sick, and nauseated. From the sole of the foot even to the head there is no soundness or health in the body - but wounds and bruises and fresh and bleeding stripes; they have not been pressed out and closed up or bound up or softened with oil. No one has troubled to seek a remedy. "

They are acting out their sin, which is a result of wounds and bruises, and because they do not even consider God any more, they have not thought to bring these wounds to Him, the only One who can bring healing. In His mercy, He is saying, "Don't you see? I know your sin nature, and I am the only One who can fix it, the One you need, and I am waiting for you to come to Me, but you have forgotten me. " The result is a breakdown of the entire nation, the land is devoured, strangers have been allowed to come in and take over. In the midst of the breakdown, the Israelites are still keeping the bare minimum requirements to God, as if somehow going through the motions makes their neglect okay. God's response to them is this:

v11-14 "To what purpose is the multitude of your sacrifices to Me unless they are the offerings of the heart? " says the Lord. "I have had enough of the burnt offerings of rams and the fat of fed beasts without obedience; and I do not delight in the blood of bulls or of lambs or of he-goats without righteousness. When you appear before Me, who requires of you that your unholy feet trample My courts? Bring no more offerings of vanity, emptiness, falsity, vainglory, and futility. Your hollow offering of incense is an abomination to Me; the New Moons and Sabbaths, the calling of assemblies, I cannot endure - it is iniquity and profanation, even the solemn meeting is. Your New Moon festivals and your hypocritical appointed feasts My soul hates. They are an opressive burden to Me; I am weary of bearing them."

Pretty rough words...but at the same time, pretty heart wrenching. He is so desperately in love with them...He knows their hurts, longs to heal them, yet they turn away and pretend that He doesn't know. They try to fool God, pretending to worship Him...the King who has set them free...and so to draw their attention back to them, His response is to tell them the truth of what they do, what they already know He knows. He pulls the veil off of their cover up.

There is a pretty phenomenal parallel between this story of so long ago, and what is happening today in some churches and homes, no doubt, I am not innocent. So many of us walk around carrying our wounds, gaping and bleeding, right in front of us, almost as a warning to those who come near. We have not truly offered up all of our ugly, filthy wounded bleeding hearts to the only One who can really fix it for good. Our wounds fester and infect the whole of us - getting in the way of who God made us to be. He wants us to come to Him for the oil that softens and heals and binds up our wounded souls, so that we can be the bearers of mercy.

We so often go through the motions as the "law" requires, but the law was not set into place for the sake of motion. Like zombies we operate, going through the motions of life, even going to church, but this is not what was intended. It dishonors Him that we would "fake it," when we know He knows the difference. It saddens Him when we operate out of our woundedness and create other wounds for those we interact with...feeling like it's such a burden, a huge sacrifice on our part to do the right thing, when all He wants is our hearts to be true. He wants us to hold them out to Him so that He can melt them and mold them into what He dreamed before He even saw our faces...lovers of mercy, having compassion on those around us. Letting our walls fall down to allow us to offer our genuine love to someone who needs it....taking a few hours a day to KNOW God, know His heart instead of making the sacrifice to do church the right way all of the time, to work all of the time, or whatever other burdens you carry.

"For I desire mercy and not sacrifice; and the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings." Hosea 6:6