He Is My Strength When I Am Weak

After plodding through a "spiritual" desert for the past 12 months or so, I find myself in a much stranger place of actually hearing from the Lord, but I am hearing Him in times of great distress. Is it that the past 12 months have been really amazing, have I had not one thing to show me my own weakness, to make me cry out to my Father for help? Is that why I did not hear? I know that the desert is supposed to be a good thing. Thomas Merton, in "The Wisdom of the Desert," describes how the "desert fathers" deliberately went out into the physical desert in order that they would find their own true self in Christ. Some went to be ruled by Christ alone and no other governing figures of the day.

I guess the idea is to seclude yourself, to go without in order to not be distracted, to make yourself vulnerable so that you may be more attuned to the spirit, but in my case it was like going without hearing from God or feeling God instead of going without a bed or food...it seems like the Lord was building in me an even greater longing and desire for Him, to hear from Him, to know Him...It was agonizing at times, but I found my resolve, and determined not to give up, going day after day - even if it was just for 3 minutes - saying, "God, I know You are here, I know You can hear me, and though I do not hear You, I will stand here before You."

Now I find myself in a completely different situation, so distracted with the things that seem to be wrong with my life, that I forget to come before Him each day...but He is meeting me now to remind me He is here, He is carrying me. The most gentle reminder is that I do not have to struggle alone, that in my weakness He is made strong. I have experienced this so many times...and this time it is even sweeter than before...in my times of weakness, I can feel His strength, I can feel Him and hear Him like I have not for over a year. He shines through me when I can't do anything but cry out for Him, and in my state of utter helplessness, when I am completely spent and cannot go on another minute, He picks me up and carries me.