Whining/What NOT To Do On An Airplane!

It seems like pregnancy has brought out the complaining in me....everything has been getting on my nerves! I was going to pray/journal, and this is what came out. When I went back and read it, it was too funny!!! I started writing this as the plane was descending into Dallas, TX.

It seems like all I can do lately is complain - I don't know if it's the hormones, well - yes, I'd have to say I know that's what it is. I am about to let loose on this couple sitting behind me. Before the plane even took off, they did not know where their seats were - they sat in every other person's spot, and each person had to ask them to move. Somehow they ended up behind us. The woman is definitely a Dallas native with the big fake blond hair, fake tan, face lift, fake nails, etc... and obviously anorexic. She decided to lay down in her boyfriend's lap. He was sitting right behind me, and every 5 seconds he would jam his knee or foot into the back of the seat and send me jolting forward. This went on during the takeoff and about 1/2 hour in the air. I am already queasy as is typical with NWA - and this is a whole other topic requires an entirely different blog about why I'll NEVER FLY NWA AGAIN. So, the guy who is jamming his knees in the back of my seat very loudly and obviously "makes wind," and he and his girlfriend laugh and laugh and laugh. Gross. Then, he got up and started walking up and down the aisle asking people at random if they have any reading material he can borrow (I'm thinking he's on his way to the can after the gas episode). I see him heading back our way with a Glamour magazine!
I decided to switch seats with Luke so I won't turn around and let my hormonal rage out on this man. As soon as I switch, the the girlfriend wakes up, and she's sitting directly behind me. She's got this foot-long plastic water bottle with about 30 rungs that she pulls out of the seatback pocket - it sounded like a machine gun and felt like someone was doing karate on my back. In and out. In and out. Just keep it out!!! Needless to say, her next move was a potty break, which required her to manouver over her boyfriend - he did not get up to let her out - she climbed over, grabbing my hair and the back of the seat, pulling it back and letting it go like a slingshot. Were they drunk? Then, as we desend, we are going through a storm, and the plane is bouncing up and down, left and right, and the girlfriend is looking out the window practically yelling, "Look sweety, up and down! Up and down! Isn't it fun?" They've got to be drunk. To top it off, she decides to spray a whole botttle of perfume before getting off of the plane. The guy across the aisle from me was almost having an asthma attack and could not stop sneezing. My clothes smelled like her perfume when we got off of the plane.
The strangest part of all of this was that the couple got off of the plane and went in complete opposite directions without even saying goodbye - no hug, no kiss - nothing. From the minute they left the plane, they did not know each other.