I became so angry with my daughter today...I acted quite poorly. I lost it, I yelled at her...she's not even 2 years old! I haven't been this mad in a long time. I was still mad at her when I had to wrestle her down for a nap...when I finally had a moment to calm down, I realized that I really need to apologize to her, and tell her that I was wrong. I felt so terrible...but there was something in me that didn't want to admit I was wrong. She was the one who was being a brat!! I just kept asking God to not let my heart get hard, and to cause me to be humble. I began to think of a couple I love very much, who seem to have lived their marriage in the passive aggressive relationship that I fear. As I was thinking about Mayah and how I behaved, I realized how fast after defeat or disappointment, anger comes in...and how fast pride follows anger. Maybe it's because we don't want to forgive ourselves or others, and it's hard to admit we have behaved or thought wrongly...so we don't go there, and instead we start stacking up bricks. Every time we choose to not relent in our pride - even if it seems justified - we lengthen the gap between our hearts. Maybe it's because satan doesn't hesitate to pile on the shame, causing us to feel dirty and ugly. So, we must hide our filth and pretend it's not there...developing a passive aggressive pattern. It seems to be a much easier lifestyle for so many people, especially after letting years and years of denial and pride build up as the result of our wounds. Maybe we think that if we remove 1 brick, the whole wall will collapse, and we'll be exposed for the weak humans that we are. What will we do with the mess? Who will love us then? I think in reality, weakness is easier to love than the tough passive aggressive...maybe that is the point also?