That Place
Has anyone ever experienced the place...it's that time, really... when God is begging you to let Him in to heal you, and you are begging Him to come in and do it...and you've offered up all you have to Him, and said whatever it takes is okay with me...but just as you begin to feel His Spirit connect with yours in that place, that other part of you begins to clam up, and seal off that which His Spirit is connecting with? I have been to this place over and over...
This place, it's like a black and white room with lots of windows that are all closed. Spider webs are starting to spread, and the dust is thick, and the outside is beckoning me to come and play, to share the joy, to experience life! But...as much as I want to, and as much as God wants to...it just doesn't happen. I wonder why not. I wonder when. I wonder why the God who has the power, and wants to heal me and make me whole, is holding back...I wonder why He doesn't just make it so...align the circumstances, ready my heart...and let me out.
I used to think it was something I was doing wrong...but now I know it's only God Who can even cause my subconscious walls to come down...and I've been told and understand that His timing is perfect. If He were to reveal things to me before that, I wouldn't be able to handle it, would be crushed by the weight of it...but it's been years now. So God, why the wait? You know I don't have any patience...You made me that way!
This place, it's like a black and white room with lots of windows that are all closed. Spider webs are starting to spread, and the dust is thick, and the outside is beckoning me to come and play, to share the joy, to experience life! But...as much as I want to, and as much as God wants to...it just doesn't happen. I wonder why not. I wonder when. I wonder why the God who has the power, and wants to heal me and make me whole, is holding back...I wonder why He doesn't just make it so...align the circumstances, ready my heart...and let me out.
I used to think it was something I was doing wrong...but now I know it's only God Who can even cause my subconscious walls to come down...and I've been told and understand that His timing is perfect. If He were to reveal things to me before that, I wouldn't be able to handle it, would be crushed by the weight of it...but it's been years now. So God, why the wait? You know I don't have any patience...You made me that way!
posted by KariBryant @ 2:03 PM
4 Comments:
At 5:36 AM,
Anonymous said…
Kari, I remember hearing someone describing God as One playing chess in 27 dimensions. Pretty difficult to grasp, isn't it? But the picture that conjures up may give some understanding to your predicament. You see, just one move by Him in your life has a rippling effect, and it affects every other piece, 27 layers deep! Such is the majesty of our God.
You know that one day to Him is like a thousand to us. And so aiting before Him can be a rather long time for us. But turn that around, and He is not bound by time or space, so when everything is aligned (27 dimensions deep!!!), He will move in and touch and heal that thing that occurred years ago.
I have found in my own life, that I am often like an infant, egocentristic as can be! But I have also come to understand that HE understands that, and is accepting of me in that place. But He is just as determined to grow me through that as you are with Mayah! And so He lovingly moves forward with His plan for our lives, and at some point, you will suddenly be healed in some deep place, and in that healing, you will suddenly understand the perfection of His timing.
As one who has a few years on you, I can say with full understanding, it gets easier with age. He really does bring you into that place of being patient in the security of His never-ending love.
At 7:41 PM,
Anonymous said…
There's a clue in what you said here: "but just as you begin to feel His Spirit connect with yours in that place, that other part of you begins to clam up, and seal off that which His Spirit is connecting with?"
It does take 'yielding' to HIM. Do you come with a broken heart? What is "that other part of you" that begins to clam up? THAT is the part that must open up/yield. What is it? Only you and God know. It's not for us to know, that's between you and HIM.
Lessons are repeated because we haven't learned them yet, thus the cycle. And they will continue until our hearts are changed by that lesson. HE said, "your eyes will be opened when the heart changes." It is a choice you have to make inside. It is with the inside that you yield, pray, etc.
Are you desiring some 'thing' before you desire HIM? What if HE never did anything for you, would you still desire/long for HIM?
Everyone comes to God asking for things or telling God what to do. But very few come just wanting HIM.
I don't know your circumstances, only God does, but I'm curious about your opening statement where you admit to holding back.
Peace.
Grimly
At 9:22 AM,
Tim said…
wow!
I don't think you are alone...I was just feeling very lonely myself and googled 'hungry for God.' I got this blog and read some of it and the scripture that coming up for me was from 2 Corin 1:20 - "For ALL the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us."
We serve a positive God! Don't give up on your friend, don't give up on God's ability to put His desires inside you (see Psalm 37:4). If you have tasted and seen God's goodness then you know that in God's timing everything can change in an instant with One word from God!
be encouraged!
At 9:22 AM,
Nate said…
God put me through the process, and for me it was very painful and costly. If you wish to talk about it, I will share.
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