Like A Loser
...that is how I'm feeling at the moment. It all started with an e-mail from a friend. I'm not sure we are even still friends. I mean, we are friends, but not like we used to be, and that is part of my problem. The e-mail was about another friend we went to school with, and contained a whole conversation that had been going on between the two of them - their lives - jobs, boyfriends, weight loss, new oportunites, etc... I felt so out of the loop, so far removed.
I was bombarded with the fullness of their lives and all that they are doing, and in turn had to examine my own life. Wow. I am such a boring person! I live in a teeny tiny town that doesn't even have a movie theater or a coffee shop. I stay at home with my 14 month old little girl. Sometimes I venture out to the nursing home for devotionals, and I attend a Bible study...sometimes I go to lunch with a friend, sometimes I get out of town to buy real organic groceries. Right now the wind chill is minus 8, so we are not even able to really get outside to play!!! Even the thought of playing outside with Mayah probably sounds rediculous compared to the lives that my old friends are leading...climbing the career ladder to success. A few weeks ago I got an e-mail inviting me to a weekend in Las Vegas with all my college sisters...things like that are not even an option anymore.
It was such a shocker when we moved here from Minneapolis, but the Lord had called us to a life set apart...what better place? I quit my job when Mayah was born, we moved 3 weeks later to Nowhere, NE.....I had been praying that I would have time to just BE, to know God, to settle in and get quiet with Him, to be able to minister to Him. He has indeed answered my prayers. But, I can't help but be envious of the friendships I may no longer have...of how different my friends lives are from mine. I can't help but miss going out for a nice dinner, having a glass of wine with friends...just someone to talk to in person who is a LITTLE bit like me...but there is no one HERE. This is definitely not the place I am going to be able to pursue my own career (if I had one...). Today...this feeling causes me to ask again, what do You have in store for me, God? Am I going to do great things? Will I make a difference in someone's life?
I was bombarded with the fullness of their lives and all that they are doing, and in turn had to examine my own life. Wow. I am such a boring person! I live in a teeny tiny town that doesn't even have a movie theater or a coffee shop. I stay at home with my 14 month old little girl. Sometimes I venture out to the nursing home for devotionals, and I attend a Bible study...sometimes I go to lunch with a friend, sometimes I get out of town to buy real organic groceries. Right now the wind chill is minus 8, so we are not even able to really get outside to play!!! Even the thought of playing outside with Mayah probably sounds rediculous compared to the lives that my old friends are leading...climbing the career ladder to success. A few weeks ago I got an e-mail inviting me to a weekend in Las Vegas with all my college sisters...things like that are not even an option anymore.
It was such a shocker when we moved here from Minneapolis, but the Lord had called us to a life set apart...what better place? I quit my job when Mayah was born, we moved 3 weeks later to Nowhere, NE.....I had been praying that I would have time to just BE, to know God, to settle in and get quiet with Him, to be able to minister to Him. He has indeed answered my prayers. But, I can't help but be envious of the friendships I may no longer have...of how different my friends lives are from mine. I can't help but miss going out for a nice dinner, having a glass of wine with friends...just someone to talk to in person who is a LITTLE bit like me...but there is no one HERE. This is definitely not the place I am going to be able to pursue my own career (if I had one...). Today...this feeling causes me to ask again, what do You have in store for me, God? Am I going to do great things? Will I make a difference in someone's life?
posted by KariBryant @ 9:25 AM
2 Comments:
At 1:35 PM,
Amy said…
Oh, Kari, you are not boring and your life, especially where God has you right now, is not in vain. I know that He has you there for some purpose, even if it's just growing closer to Him - that's by-far better than climbing the corporate latter and keeping up with pop-culture! What God has given you - an opportunity to raise your little girl at home and time to sit in His presence - is priceless. It may not be glamorous, but it's God's gift to you!
I pray that He will show you just a glimpse of the wonderful things He has in store for you!
At 2:50 AM,
Anonymous said…
"You can do no great things, just small things with great love." Mother Theresa
Kari, how is it that we are always drawn to do "great things," when Jesus wasn't even drawn to do great things. He wasn't even drawn to great people. WHAT IS IT that presses on us this falsity that in order to be 'somebody' we have to accomplish great feats? Where do we get that lie? Is it something that the Lord puts on us? Is it something we put on ourselves? Is it our culture? It is a horrific burden to bear, and I am reminded, once again, of what Jesus said to me one day, and what He says in His word, "come unto me, all ye who are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." There is a weariness that comes from carrying something He has not put upon us. And there is a freedom from carrying that which He places upon us in Him. I am sensing a bit of weariness in you, and so I ask Him, once again, to come and lift off that yoke and to receive His.
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