Tonight I am really struggling with the fear that someone will harm my children...I know I need to stop watching the news. It's all come into focus lately as we prepare to move from our tiny, safe (yet all too weird) town into a larger city. I'm afraid! And as I pour my fears out to God, I am realizing that I don't trust Him to take care of my family...mostly because He has never promised me that He would. He has never said things will be happy all of the time, so how do I get over this fear? My thoughts are all over the place...I don't think I'll ever understand how one person could intentionally harm another in a violent way...I'm so sensitive. Not that I've never ever caused someone harm unintentionally...maybe I think too highly of myself...okay back to the struggle of trust. Why should I trust God to protect my children? What if He doesn't? If horrible things happen every where we look, what makes me or my family any less likely a candidate? Why would He choose to protect us and not someone else who needs protection?
Okay...the ambien just kicked in.
going to bedd hopefully
Okay...the ambien just kicked in.
going to bedd hopefully
posted by KariBryant @ 8:26 PM
11 Comments:
At 9:23 PM,
Erin said…
I absolutely know what you are talking about. I have been having the same argument in my head for several months. I have no wise encouragement for you, but it's good to know I'm not alone. I'm not an anxious person, but this keeps me up at night sometimes.
Read The Shack, if you haven't. It helped me.
At 10:42 AM,
Nate said…
Kari,
I would love to tell you that the things that are important to us, are important to God. But I know that everything that I held important to me, and seperated me from God, he ripped away from me. But family is very imprtant to Him, so I do not believe that he will have anything happen to them.
I live in Atlanta, 4.5 million people, with all of the sickos you can imagine running around. We even had a van that was identified as picking up kids in my neighborhood. Good parents that take care of their kids, are able to protect them. Even in the big city, and without being REALLY paranoid.
It is also really embarrassing to be called over the Walmart loudspeaker saying, "Would the parents of Alexi please come to the service counter." Even thought we couldn't find her, we taught her what to do if she got lost, talked to a stranger, etc.. so as embarrassing as it was, it was also gratifying to know that she listened to our teaching. I think that this is one area we have more impact in that any other.
At 2:48 PM,
Bar L. said…
I have also similar worries and doubts about God taking care of my son. Now that my son is older I ask God to protect him from himself since teens have innumerable ways to get hurt and/or ruin their lives. Sorry this wasn't very uplifting was it!
I take Ambien too....can't sleep without it but it messes with my memory.
At 6:40 PM,
Anonymous said…
Kari, There is a wonderful poem that I cannot remember exactly, but it basically says that God does not promise us a life with problems, but DOES promise us that He is with us always and available to us through whatever life gives us. There are, of course, fears and worries of a parent, but maybe you may see that God IS keeping you safe and HAS you under his wing. Continue to praise Him for what He has given you- a wonderful son.
God Bless you- A secret angel
At 8:27 PM,
One Voice of Many said…
I also struggle with those same fears and anxieties; those among many others. Xanax is actually my drug of choice although I'm all out. :-(
Still, I don't know that many of us can say that we don't worry about things like that considering the dreadful news reports that are so readily available to us. Mike is working nights this weekend so last night I was awake an extra hour and a half thinking about the many different serial killers and their stories... augh...
I'm probably not helping am I? I'm sorry that you're stressing over this. I have no words of promise; God how I wish that I did. So I'll hang on to Nate's words to you and for you.
Michelle
At 8:37 AM,
KariBryant said…
I haven't read the shack yet, but my aunt is reading it...I am on this kick for books lately, so maybe I'll take a look.
I hope that family is important to God...I cant' pretend to know what is important to Him anymore other than loving Him first and that is proving to be rather daunting in itself...all I can do is to ask Him to cause me to want to do that.
Anonymous...who are you? I was curious if you were talking about my actual son or God's son in your comment. I guess you would have to know me to be speaking of Samuel. If I were honest, I would have to say that even if He promises to be "with" me and available to me throughout the bad times, it doesn't make me feel much better...my fear is that something will happen, not that God won't be with me. Isn't that horrible...I don't mean to sound harsh...I apologize if I do.
And Barbara...I had just attributed the bad memory to "mommy brain" or all of the pot I smoked in college! I can only take ambien on the weekends when my husband gets up in the night with our 4 month old...but it does work like a charm!
Michelle, maybe you should just call me at 3 am and we can be insomniacs together? :) And in the meantime, I guess I can start teaching my children where to go if they are lost!
At 9:58 AM,
One Voice of Many said…
Kari - Sounds like a plan!
I've read a couple of Gavin DeBecker books. He talks about safety and how to trust your instincts. If you haven't read him, you might want to. While he does talk about the dangers that lurk he doesn't present it in an "all is doomed" manner.
The best one that I've read by him is The Gift of Fear.
Who knows.. maybe it'll help. :-)
Michelle
At 8:24 AM,
Nate said…
Just a PS. When through all of the messyiness of the spiritual situation you and Michelle are in, Comes a peace of security. Where the fears of the world are no longer there. That is a long way from where you two are now, but it is nice to know that it is there waiting for you.
At 6:11 PM,
One Voice of Many said…
When my husband was in Iraq twice doing bodyguard gigs I, naturally, was concerned for his safety. I felt so hypocritical claiming the "God will take care of him" promise that people would try and remind me of because, well, why didn't God take care of all the ones that didn't make it home? I hoped for the best, yes. But being able to name it & claim it just wasn't a possibility for me. I guess I'm just way too cynical to think that my family is exempt from heart-break. Although, I'd be PISSED OFF if something horrible DID happen! (needless to say)
I've digressed... :-)
At 6:52 PM,
KariBryant said…
I know...where is that balance? I can't do the name it claim it either..., but I guess somehow if I could really feel in my heart that even if something bad happens, it is still the best thing in the larger scope of things...I mean, there is a lot more to go with this thought than just those words, butI guess there would be a certain peace that would come from that. I've had it before...I just don't have it right now. I mean, I guess it's how we define "taking care" that makes the difference...I could go on and on. I mean, what if one experiences one tradgedy in order to change their perspective on life, which then results in a greater enjoyment/appreciation/growth, etc ..? But here we are again at the big question: Does God really cause the bad stuff to happen too? Even if for a greater purpose?
At 6:56 PM,
One Voice of Many said…
I hear ya girl. My questions also.
I still think He doesn't manufacture and interfere NEAR what we've been taught over the years. And while I think that I believe that, I obviously don't - at least not completely -- or else I wouldn't be so angry with Him for NOT.
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