Hungry For God

Monday, March 05, 2007

That Place

Has anyone ever experienced the place...it's that time, really... when God is begging you to let Him in to heal you, and you are begging Him to come in and do it...and you've offered up all you have to Him, and said whatever it takes is okay with me...but just as you begin to feel His Spirit connect with yours in that place, that other part of you begins to clam up, and seal off that which His Spirit is connecting with? I have been to this place over and over...

This place, it's like a black and white room with lots of windows that are all closed. Spider webs are starting to spread, and the dust is thick, and the outside is beckoning me to come and play, to share the joy, to experience life! But...as much as I want to, and as much as God wants to...it just doesn't happen. I wonder why not. I wonder when. I wonder why the God who has the power, and wants to heal me and make me whole, is holding back...I wonder why He doesn't just make it so...align the circumstances, ready my heart...and let me out.

I used to think it was something I was doing wrong...but now I know it's only God Who can even cause my subconscious walls to come down...and I've been told and understand that His timing is perfect. If He were to reveal things to me before that, I wouldn't be able to handle it, would be crushed by the weight of it...but it's been years now. So God, why the wait? You know I don't have any patience...You made me that way!