"A Prayer of Barrenness"

"My heart aches. I love Him, yes, but faintly.

I desire Him, yes, but weakly.

I want Him, true, but waveringly.

Even the pain that lies within

I recognize to be such faint pain,

A mere discomfort next to the heart-wrenching anguish

That grips true lovers

My knowledge is nothing. My wisdom, infancy.

I see nothing as it truly is.

Eternity what is light. This life of earth what is dark.

Stories remain stories. Not sinking deep within my soul,

And scarring me with Divine invasion

Your cross is a picture, Your Heaven a fantasy.

Tears are sweet emotions, moved by Your sacrifice,

But not the tears of sharing in Your sufferings.

I say Your name so sweetly but do not know it's Face.

All I am is far. So distant, so removed.

But You beckon me come.

Yet, my Lord, I am nothing. I have nothing. I know nothing.

When I thought I had something,

It dissolved before Your beauty,

And I was left naked. Possessing nothing.

Poor for words. Empty of all. Needy and alone.

Even so, my Love, call me.

Yes, do not leave me here but beckon me come.

Though I have nothing, though I am only poor,

Where else would I go?

Whom have I but You?"

By Dana Candler in Deep Unto Deep: The Journey of His Embrace

Three Things on My Mind - No, Make That Four

1. When I got home tonight, my husband was REALLY excited to share with me that we had had a BAT flying around in our bedroom. The cat had gone after the bat with gusto, almost knocking it to the ground. He (husband) finally crushed it with a broom on our bedroom floor - he said he cleaned it all up...I don't even want to ask.

2. People really blog in wing-dings. What's up with that?

3. I know it's a lot to ask, but knowing the difference between "to" and "too" in writing is really important! Learn it!!! It really drives me wild when the 2 are mixed up.

4. There seem to be a lot more Christian blogs around these days...and they're not just advertising their church! I'm liking it.

In response to an e-mail concerning the Schiavo case

I was getting emails between 2 lovely women who were disagreeing about Terri S...what should be done?

My email (I wanted to post the others, but could I get sued for that? J/J):

During this time, so long ago followers were grieving the death of the man Jesus, a gruesome death to which He marched with fierce determination to save the likes of you and me and Terri and her husband and the judges and all nations. Knowing what was before Him, He kept silent, He did not open His mouth to defend Himself, He did not call upon angels to carry Him off. He took upon Himself not only the bruises and deep deep wounds of the punishment handed to Him by Pilot, but He took every sin of all time upon Him. The culmination, the height of human impurity had not even been reached at that time in history. Knowing what was to come, what today would look like, He absorbed our darkness because He wanted us so desperately. He has purified even the most vile of creatures who have accepted His gift, those who we look down upon, He desires. He continues to intercede on our behalf, that we would one day be ONE CHURCH, ONE BRIDE, WITH ONE SONG, ONE VOICE, IN UNITY WITH HIS HEART.

In praying about this situation, and the division it seems to be causing even among Christians...the Lord has put this scripture on my heart...it seems to say a lot about..well, a lot. Let us for today bow humbly at the feet of Jesus, worship Him and give Him thanks for what He has given us. Ponder the cross...the life you have, the things you cherish...and consider the POINT.

"Awake, awake, put on your strength O Zion; put on your beautiful garments, O Jerusalem, the holy city; for henceforth there shall be no more come into you who are unclean. Shake yourself from the dust; arise, sit erect in a dignified place, O Jerusalem; loose yourself from the bonds of your neck, O captive daughter of Zion.

For thus says the Lord; You were sold for nothing, and you shall be redeemed without money. ...what then can prevent Me from delivering you from Babylon? But now what I have here, says the Lord, seeing that My people have been taken away for nothing? Those who rule over them howl with joy, says the Lord, and my name continually is blasphemed all day long.

Therefore My people shall know what My name is and what it means. therefore they shall know in that day that I am He who speaks; behold, I AM! How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good tidings, who publishes peace, who brings good tidings of good, who publishes salvation, who says to Zion: Your God reigns! Hark, your watchment lift up their voices; together they sing for joy; for they shall see eye to eye the return of the Lord to Zion. Break forth joyously, sing together, you waste places of Jerusalem, for the Lord has comforted His people, He has redeemed Jerusalem!

The Lord has made bare His holy arm before the eyes of all the nations, revealing Himself as the One by Whose direction the redemption of Israel from captivity is accomplished, and all the ends of the earth shall witness the salvation of our God. Depart, depart, go out from there the lands of exile! Touch no unclean thing! Go out of the midst of her; cleanse yourselves and be clean, you who bear the vessels of the Lord on your journey from there. For you will not go out with haste, nor will you go in flight as was necessary in Egypt, for the Lord will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard. Behold My servant shall deal wisely and shall prosper; He shall be exalted and extolled and shall stand very high.

For many, the Servant of God became an object of horror; many were astonished at Him. His face and His whole appearance were marred more than any man's, and His form beyond that of the sons of men - but just as many were astonished at Him. So shall He startle and sprinkle many nations, and kings shall shut their mouths because of Him, for that which has not been told them shall they see, and that which they have not heard they shall consider and understand."
Isaiah 52
We are His hope, and He is ours,
Kari B

Constantine, Anyone?

Has anyone seen CONSTANTINE? We went to see it Saturday...and I was somewhat hopeful (although the previews scared the crap outta me) because Relevant Magazine talked it up...and it would be better if I could remember what they did say about the movie, but I left feeling opressed and dark and icky. It pretty much ruined my whole day...and I didn't even realize it until later...Is it just evidence of a theme of people searching out spirituality, hell, demons, satanism? Maybe I'm not open minded enough...I am not sure what the positives are here...anyone else?

Oh, and the ending was really really cheesy.

Risk-Taking Continued...

It seems my mountain of Myhrr has become a mountain of mucus and stomach fluids. Okay, I will still go! I'm still listening, and longing.
Spirit of sickness? Ill health? My God is bigger. Don't think for one minute that I'll go without Him or turn my back on Him because I am sick AGAIN. Maybe, just maybe, I'll look forward to the weakness, to the involuntary state of fasting, if you will, I'll revel in the time I have at home alone just to listen to Him! ;-)

Maybe everyone at Bluer needs to gather into an airtight room and undergo "antibacterialism." Like a bug bomber, just douse all of us with Lysol and the Holy Spirit...

For Crying Out LOUD!

I call people all day long. Granted, these people call me first, but I DO call them back, and often times call the same people more than once. So...I am always polite when I get a solicitor on the phone - calling my house, even though we are on the "do not call list," because I know that this is a job that someone is doing, and I know how it makes you feel when someone is rude to you - someone who doesn't even know you.

Luke sometimes gets upset because I am such a sucker when it comes to helping out a good cause over the phone. One example of this: The fire department. A young lady called me and asked me if I wanted to help support our local fire department by subscribing to a magazine or something of that nature. The proceeds were supposed to go to something like the families of firemen killed in action, and better safer equipment. So, OF COURSE! I'll help out! I subscribed to this magazine, and was feeling really good about myself until I saw the news THE VERY NEXT DAY about the scam going on over the phone - solicitors asking for donations for the local fire departments! Luke laughed so hard! My point is, I really try to be nice on the phone - you never know what kind of day the person on the other line has had.

BUT FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! I've been home since about 5:30 - it's about 9pm now, and I've received 9, YES 9, phone calls from solicitors in that time period!!!!! If that's not enough, when I've said, "You should have heard a recording when you dialed our number that said we do not accept calls from solicitors, would you please take us off of your call list," every person wanted to go through a 10 minute shpeel of the process to take us off of their call list and the numbers to call if I change my mind or have any questions, so by the time I finally get off of the phone, I am frustrated, and it would have taken a lot less time to say,"I'm not interested," and hang up (is that like the 3rd longest sentence ever?).

It's not enough that we are bombarded with junk mail from credit card companies and loan officers and magazine offerers, and the neighborhood newspaper sellers, and politicians, and whatever else under the sun. Seriously, Luke and I decided to let all of the junk mail pile up on our front deck, and after 2 weeks, our 3 arm chairs were completely full and covered with paper - how many trees is that? It's hard enough in America to get away from the constant bombardment of TV, EMAIL, radio, shopping, fast food, jobs, housekeeping, reading, taxes, bills, home decorating...we are consumed with distraction so much that we are not comfortable just "being." It's so foreign. NO WONDER! When we have 10 minutes to ourselves, we are attacked by credit card companies who have stolen our home phone numbers!

RISK-TAKING!

I am definitely NOT a risk-taker! I went into this new year with sort of a fresh perspective of living free, shaking off the fear, and actually planning to DO all of those things I was afraid of before. For most people this would be something like - skydiving, or bungee jumping, but for me it is about interacting with people, about making myself vulnerable, and taking a risk that may result in my feeling rejected. How selfish? I know this sounds corny, but I did it tonight! I went for the Twin Cities House Of Prayer training, and I was so scared. I almost didn't go because I didn't want to have to pray in front of a bunch of people I didn't know. I've been wanting to be a part of this type of intercession and community ever since the first time I went to Kansas City, but in Houston the only one was 2 hours away, and then we moved across the world to Minnesota! I am really excited. After about 3 hours of being really really nervous, during a ministry time, I was so overcome by God's voice assuring me that I was supposed to be there. I really want to finish this, and hopefully be a part of a "watch," and so I am writing this as sort of an accountability - so that I won't let my fear get the best of me, but that I will follow my Bridegroom to the Mountain of Myhrr, even if it's scary.