This Sucks, God. What Are You Doing?

I used to live in a pretty big city, where I saw a lot of things I probably shouldn't have seen, and experienced lonely, hurting people participating in desperate and harmful acts, searching for what would make them whole, far far away from the design God intended, far frmo the beauty that they are to behold....now I live in a small town and instead of searching, those who hurt here have given up or have chosen to cover it up by appearing to do what they "should" according to small town rules.

It seems so strange to me that one of the first questions we are asked when we meet new people is, "Have you found a church?." Yet, even in the physical church buildings we've been in, there is no evidence of the "church" at all...

We didn't even pray in the service we went to today, and I was basically ushered out into the nursery with Mayah. She wasn't even crying.

I am so discouraged. I have never been anywhere more spiritually dead in all of my life...even the fakey church I grew up in was more alive than the zombies we see zoning out in the dead services that teach against sin over and over and over. What poor horrible people we are. DON'T DO THIS AND DON'T DO THAT OR YOU'LL GO TO HELL. REPENT! HE'S COMING!
Would they blanch at the thought that they are Jesus's favorite one? That His desire is for them to come to Him and experience real life? Or at least to hunger for it...Here, people are expected to go to church and they go, for no other reason.

What causes such boredom in the spirit? What did these preachers start off like? How did they get to a place of monotone recitation of some song in some hymnal...was there never any excitement? Is it all they want, to have a few people fall asleep in their pews? Oh, heavens if the spirit did show up, we'd all probably have a heart attach or be accused of really being drunk as the apostles were. Was there ever a vision of being that kind of church?

Oh, Father, where did you bring us? What is this ghost town? Have you ever been here?

I have this horrible fear that I will become just as dead, just as bored, and just as judgemental if I become involved...I know that already sounds hypocritical, but I have cried at each service I've attended, wondering where on earth are we going to be fed, are there any people our age who share our interests or values? Why did God bring us here?

I seriously feel like I've stepped into the twighlight zone, like it's some huge black hole that swallowed up any hope for a future for this place...I had no idea that places like this actually exhisted on earth...how naive of me to think that with the progress of today, there would not be some left behind or some who chose to stay. Not that these people are any less...but there is such a sadness, a hopelessness...it seems they've just given up...there isn't really anything good anymore. I wonder why...it's as if they've been forgotten and so, they've forgotten themselves.

It sucks.

New Neighbors

Who knew what a procrastinator I would become? I should be fixing curtains, painting the kitchen, boiling rocks for the fish tank...

I just met my neighbor on the north side - she is about 70? years old. I went over yesterday to meet her, but she was on her way out the door to a MD appt. She stopped by today with what she called a "sussie" - a huge loaf of apple cinnamon bread with icing!!! She also told me that her husband, who has dementia, ran away 2 weeks ago. He was lost for a while before a doctor found him, and now she is trying to cope with living at home alone because he was put in a nursing home. She LOVES Mayah. She just wanted to stare at her for what seemed like several minutes. Maybe she'll be another grandma! I can see us having tea :)

Hardy Har Har...

I actually saw a sign today that said:

"Speed Limit 60"
"Speed Limit for Trucks hauling houses 50"

Where do I live? I'll have to go back and take a picture of this!!! I almost peed my pants it was so funny...

Hardy Har Har...

I actually saw a sign today that said:

"Speed Limit 60"
"Speed Limit for Trucks hauling houses 50"

Where do I live? I'll have to go back and take a picture of this!!! I almost peed my pants it was so funny...

Alive and Well in Falls City, NE

This will be a rather different post...

I'm sitting in our new house watching Mayah laughing and giggling at the spinning bird on her bouncer...this is about 2 hours after she had her vaccinations. She cried. I cried. It's torturing a baby!

It's been so long since I've blogged that I had to think for a minute about my password!

Moving with an infant is one of the hardest things I've ever done. I am hoping that we will find a church home soon so that I can begin to connect with some people here. So far, I've been unpacking and painting the kitchen. We've been here 2 weeks and our house is still full of boxes. This is quite a struggle for me - I am having a hard time relaxing and finding my rhythm with such chaos and unorganization..or is it disorganization?

Whoever lived here before decided to put in linoleum over the hardwood floors in the kitchen, and then use the same linoleum to line the cabinets!!! BUT. GET THIS. They first had red shelf paper down, and painted OVER the red shelf paper and THEN put the linoleum down. Using the same glue they used to glue it to the floor....But they did not glue the edges down, so there was dirt and bugs and such under the edges that had come up. Vicki and I worked for about 3 days getting that out, sanded, and newly lined, etc. Now we are painting over the barfy pink/mauve - we're painting it white to start until I can decide what color I want. I am NOT a home decorator. I would much rather have someone do this for me. Too bad we're not rich :)

I was able to go to KC and sit in the house of prayer with my aunt this weekend, and am looking forward to going again. I am hoping to be able to go twice a month when we get settled. There is just something about sitting under that annointing in a place full of people who have made a radical committment to a radical lifestyle. I have been encouraged and inspired once again.

Vicki got us the Bible on CD by some British man...he reads the Bible from beginning to end - she got it to play for Mayah while she sleeps, etc...and I've been listening to Genesis with her after reading it 3 times over the course of the last year. I am wondering what the Lord is trying to teach me here...

We've received about 30 calls on the Focus from folks in Minneapolis now that we live in Nebraska...I envision the Lord just kind of chuckling at this...we still have not sold it, but I know that we will some day. I keep telling the callers that they are welcome to come to Falls City for a test drive but have had no takers.

Women's group - I miss you all!!! So does Mayah.